Reformed Theology [confession] [advice] [self-reflection] I hate the part of me that ignores scripture and pursues self  Calvinism

[confession] [advice] [self-reflection] I hate the part of me that ignores scripture and pursues self

Reformed Theology [confession] [advice] [self-reflection] I hate the part of me that ignores scripture and pursues self  Calvinism
[confession] [advice] [self-reflection] I hate the part of me that ignores scripture and pursues self

Like Esau, I feel like I too quickly forsake my Father's promise for something fleeting. Despite know God's mercy and grace, I search for fulfillment in the bottom of a bowl.

Before, during, and especially after sinning, I am consumed with guilt of what I am doing. I hate myself for this constant pursuit of sin. I know and feel God calling out, yet I let sin prevail.

I know the repeat of sin can lead to dulling of senses. I've felt it sometimes. I know this can lead to a chase for the same "high." This doesn't matter as much because every sin is worthy of death.

I deserve to be destroyed because of my sins against God. I've committed serious sins against those I love, confessed to them, was forgiven and yet I still feel drawn to sin.

I deserve to be destroyed, and that destruction came. God's just wrath was poured out on Christ. This makes me weep. Yet a week later I am back at craving sin.

Is this cycle just part of the sanctification process?

"15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16 See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17 Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done." Hebrews 12:16-17

Am I Esau? Am I past the point of help? Why does my sin grow? I WANT to contain it, but I am weak. I pray and cut myself off from outlets, but my mind, like water, finds a way around. Or waits until there is an opening.

I am sinful, so wicked that when I stare into the abyss of sin I am terrified of what I could become. I've gotten away with sins that surprise me. That is the scary part. God protected me from some truly scary secular consequences. On one hand, I am broken by His mercy, but my sinful side sees this as an opportunity to let sin abound.

What advice would you give to a self-aware Esau?

Like Esau, I feel like I too quickly forsake my Father’s promise for something fleeting. Despite know God’s mercy and grace, I search for fulfillment in the bottom of a bowl.Before, during, and especially after sinning, I am consumed with guilt of what I am doing. I hate myself for this constant pursuit of sin. I know and feel God calling out, yet I let sin prevail.I know the repeat of sin can lead to dulling of senses. I’ve felt it sometimes. I know this can lead to a chase for the same “high.” This doesn’t matter as much because every sin is worthy of death.I deserve to be destroyed because of my sins against God. I’ve committed serious sins against those I love, confessed to them, was forgiven and yet I still feel drawn to sin.I deserve to be destroyed, and that destruction came. God’s just wrath was poured out on Christ. This makes me weep. Yet a week later I am back at craving sin.Is this cycle just part of the sanctification process?”15 See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. 16 See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son. 17 Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done.” Hebrews 12:16-17Am I Esau? Am I past the point of help? Why does my sin grow? I WANT to contain it, but I am weak. I pray and cut myself off from outlets, but my mind, like water, finds a way around. Or waits until there is an opening.I am sinful, so wicked that when I stare into the abyss of sin I am terrified of what I could become. I’ve gotten away with sins that surprise me. That is the scary part. God protected me from some truly scary secular consequences. On one hand, I am broken by His mercy, but my sinful side sees this as an opportunity to let sin abound.What advice would you give to a self-aware Esau?
Link: [confession] [advice] [self-reflection] I hate the part of me that ignores scripture and pursues self
Submitted by ReformedEsau